5 Weeks

I know, I know. Most people don't starting blogging about their progress until 8 weeks or so.

But I'm not most people.  With everything we've gone through, I want to document it all!  And with the way that I've craved salt this week (as in I want to dip my entire head in the bowl of kosher salt that sits on our counter, or drink an entire vat of pickle juice!), I want to remember these things!

So here it is...week 5 pregnancy progress!

Let's start with the positive first:  My boobs are almost an entire bra size bigger already! YAY!
Now to the grr:  Next time I have to remember to pose with my back leg straight so it doesn't look like my thigh is the size of Jupitor.  But it took a good 12 tries to get the image to come out as clear as this one which doesn't say much, so I was done with it!  Second, while I would love to start with a completely flat stomach, here is the remainder of the good ole' overall stomach bloat retrieval has left me.  That, and the no workout rule that has been imposed on me over the last month and a half! (And yes, I hear you, my two friends saying "Shut it skinny B")

How Far Along? 5 weeks

 

How Big is Baby? The size of a sesame seed

 

Weight Gain? I'm back down to +5 lbs which was how much I put on after the stimulation meds, and likely water weight (you should have seen the +8 after the retrieval!)

 

Maternity Clothes? Well seeing as I previously lived in stretch pants pretty much at all times, it's been an easy transition for me.  That and I get to work cute flowy dresses and skirs to work so no need at this point.  Although I'd be lying if I didn't say that one of my most favorite pairs of skinny jeans are actually maternity...shh, nobody else needs to know that I may or may not have been wearing them prior to all of this! Don't worry, it's not like they have one of those huge belly bands or anything, you can barely-ish tell they are maternity!

 

Belly Button (in or out)? In

 

Sleep:  Great...and lots of it! I feel super tired in the last week, and will easily fall asleep at 8:30.  But maybe I'm just balancing that out with the fact that I now wake up twice in the middle of the night to pee which is SO different from my norm of peeing like twice daily!

 

Cravings: Salt (and LOTS of it!), cottage cheese with tomatoes, green juice, homemade pickles, green olives

Aversions: Red meat, chocolate, really anything sweet (what is WRONG with me!?!?)

 

What I Miss: Pumpkin beer at our halloween party, Cabernet (almost nightly!), and sushi!

 

Symptoms: mild cramping that comes and goes, intermittent gagging with mild nausea that passes pretty quickly, and boobs that hurt even if I look at them!

 

Movement: Definitely not, too early!

 

Best Moment of the Week: Getting excellent HCG and progesterone results!

 

Worst Moment of the Week: Momentarily falling asleep while in park at a railroad crossing waiting for the never ending train to pass at 1:30 am driving home from work...I hate these late night shifts! At least there was a person behind me who honked to wake me up, otherwise I might have found myself waking up to the sunrise while sleeping on the road in the car overnight (dad, you didn't read that)!

 

What I'm Looking Forward To: Our Ultrasound to see these Little Lermas next Tuesday!

 

 

 

Second HCG

HCG- 794!

Yay!!! Not only is it increasing, it's more than tripled in 3 days!

Just what we wanted to see!

My progesterone also still looks great, so overall right on track!

Now just another week of waiting til we can see these babies once again! 

And the results are in...

We're pregnant!!

 

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

I can't even believe it!

Well, actually, I can!  I was driving home from work tonight so anxious to listen to our results on the voicemail, but really, so confident that we are pregnant.

I was picturing Jon and I calling my family and our closest friends with the great news and it was SO real.  I then tried picturing calling them telling them the worst, and just couldn't do it! I couldn't put myelf in that situation, couldn't feel those feelings, couldn't think those thoughts!

So it was then that I knew I was pregnant! And a strange wash of calm came over me, which was equally so weird yet so amazing!

As soon as I bust through the door (ok, I obvsiously wasn't that calm), Jon was home.  I could tell he was super stressed out and nervous about the call because he was furiously cleaning in the kitchen and just had this look on his face!

We sat down on the couch together, prayed a quick prayer, and then listened to the voicemail together.

And let me tell you, the word "Congratulations" has never sounded so sweet! Our IVF nurse who completely resembles Sue Sylvester on Glee in both her attitude, looks and mannerisms, even had an upswing in her voice!  An upswing!  Which for this low voiced, usually gruff sounding lady was something! 

My HCG was 226 which is fantastic (anything >25 is pregnant, anything >100 is great)!

And regardless of the number, we are pregnant!

                         We are pregnant!

                                              We are pregnant!

Yes, I'm going to just keep saying it over and over again because I am so excited!  WE.ARE.PREGNANT!!!!

HCG draw

I feel like a broken record when I keep saying I am nervous through all of this. 

But for REAL...of all the appointments I've had over the last 4 years, there has NEVER been a day where I was as nervous as I was on HCG pregnancy test day!

Jon has been extremely supportive and present throughout this whole process, but this was one day that he wasn't able to come with me to the appointment.  And really, it didn't matter because I was only going in for a blood draw, and we wouldn't get results til later that afternoon anyways.

But as I was sitting in the waiting room with about 12 other women (gheesh, great, of all the days for the office to be REALLY behind!), I wished he was there!  I kept having to remind myself to take deep breaths.

I was trying to stay busy on Pinterest and inadvertnetly pinned about 250 things...245 of which I'm sure I will never get to! 

But either way, my name was finally called, and I was brought back to get my blood drawn.

The phlebotimist looked at my chart, and said "Ohhh...this is the BIG DAY!" She then proceeded to talk one thousand miles a minute asking "Oh my goodness...do you think you're pregnant? Do you have any symptoms? What kinds of things do you feel? Do you think you're pregnant? Do you have a hunch one way or the other?"

She didn't really let me get in an answer, so I finally interrupted her and said, "Honestly, I'm so nervous I'm not thinking about any of that. I'm just reminding myself to take deep breaths, and trying not to throw up all over myself!" 

Thankfully, she said "oh, gotcha." And while the questions stopped, she continued to sing and do her "happy pregnancy dance" (her name for it, not mine) all through the blood draw.  Good thing the entire process takes only 5 minutes!

So I walked out those doors, and drove to work.  I didn't really have to work that day, but did have some office stuff to take care of.  I figured if I went home by myself and had to wait for Jon to get home that evening, I would drive myself crazy.

So work would be a welcome distraction.  And while I knew they would be calling and leaving a voicemail with the results between 2 and 4, I was going to wait until Jon and I were together after work to listen together.

Oh yes...this is going to be a LONG day!!

The Transfer

Transfer day (October 11, 2013) came rather quickly after the retrieval!  I was still trying to recooperate and get rid of that insane bloat of a belly I had along with the cramping, but before I knew it, it was time to wake up super early once again and implant those babies! Why do fertility specialists do things at ridiculous hours of the morning!?

As nervous as I thought I was for the retrieval, I was SOO nervous for the transfer!! This was the big day...the big moment!

We had set up the day with our accupunturist so that accupuncture could be done both before and after transfer. 

This is the awkward I've got needles all over my legs, stomach and ears smile : )

And this is what Jon did to keep me laughing tne entire time before...it definitely helped keep my mind off of the upcoming events!

So after we did accuppuncture for about 30 minutes, it was time to chat with the embryologist.  We went into the morning thinking we had 5 little embies to work with, but only 2 had actually made it to the 3 day mark.  So 3 would be discarded, and the 2 remaining were what we would be implanting! 

 

I have to say, the fact that we only had 2, with none to freeze was really disappointing.  The thought of this not working and having to go through the entire stimulation program and retrieval all over again was overwhelming.  Or if only one took, then we'd be right back in this same spot working for baby #2 later (we definitely don't want an only child). 

 

But I tried focusing on the positive:

1.) We had 2 great embryos to work with.  Both were graded 1B, which apparently was the highest grading our embryologist gets...she never gives out As for some reason (and yes, being a straight A overachieving student this was slightly disappointing : (  On the flip side, Jon said they were already ahead of his game : )

2.) If this worked, we wouldn't have to deal with the huge decision on what to do with the remaining frozen embryos. I know several friends who have had to make this decision, and it wasn't easy for any of them!

 

So with our 10 cell and 6 cell 1B embies, we walked over to the transfer room which was the same room as the retrieval room.  The nurse brought us in, laid me on the table, and then left us for a bit.  With all of this....

If you're not already nervous at this point, seeing this tray of equipment right by your head will just tip you over the edge.  And I definitely had to remind Jon to take the picture but not hover over it or touch anything because it was all sterile. Gotta love the fact that it's all set up there to go up your hoo-ha!

After about 5 minutes of waiting, the nurse came back in, put my legs up on the stirrups, and put me essentially upside down.  The procedure itself took all of 10 minutes, and it was seriously one of the coolest things I've ever seen!  Now don't get me wrong, the catheter moving in and out of my cervix was certainly not pleasant, but we were able to watch the embyros shoot up through the catheter and land just where our doctor wanted them to!!!  Like my two little miracle shooting stars!

The first picture of our 2 little babies!  They are the tiny, bright white circles just slightly to the left of center.

Once it was done, I laid upside down for about 30 minutes.  I'm not sure why we don't have a picture of this!!!  Jon was probably trying to keep my mind off the fact that blood was rushing to my head and leaving none for my feet.

Either way, we got plenty of pics as I laid for another 30 minutes with accupuncture again, this time more flat and my feet didn't have to be in those ginormous stirrups!

This is what I call "Mrs Conehead got IVF"

Our friend, chiropractor, and accupunturist.  Clearly he is a pea in the Lerma pod : )

The first picture of the Lerma family of 4!

After the initial laying upside down and then flat period, I was sent on my way back home for strict bed rest x24 hours.  Once again Jonathan was the most loving, serving husband I could ever ask for!  He took such great care of me and did it all without one complaint.  It was my job to do nothing but let those little babies burrow on in. It was his job to do everything else...and he took this on like a champion!

 

With all of the big things behind us, it would now just be a LONG 2 weeks of waiting....oh boy!

 

Fertillity Report

OCTOBER 9, 2013

I anxiously awaited the fertility report from the embryologist all morning.  And the call finally came!

I had known from the transfer that 8 eggs were retrieved, but had no idea how many would be mature, and how many would even fertilize!

So here was our Fert Report:

-8 eggs retrieved
-7 were fully mature
-5 fertilized

We were thrilled with those numbers!  Now just a few days wait til our transfer.  Because our doctor is going out of town for an International Reproductive Endocrinologist conference on Saturday, we will be doing a 3 day transfer on Friday regardless.  Apparently there would be nobody to fill in for a 5 day transfer since everyone is going to this conference!

I'm trying not to overthink that little detail too much.  While there are slightly better results with 5 day transfers, I'm confident that two of these little embies will be our precious Little Lermas!! 

So for now, we will celebrate our exciting Fertility Report!

The Retrieval

Up until the retrieval day, things with IVF cycle #2 were going extremely well.  In my book, almost too well.  As if I was just waiting for one of the proverbial balls to fall.  And yet, there they were, still balancing perfectly in the air.

So on Tuesday, October 8th, we woke up super early because that's how my RE rolls, and headed to the office.

Tired, and yes, scary looking, but we were excited...we had never gotten this far before!!!

We then were taken to our waiting and recovery room, where I was dressed in the oh-so-flattering gown (now I know why so many celebrities bring their own gowns to the hospital when they have the baby!!).

I then got my IV and asked about fifteen questions about what medications the anesthesiologist was giving, dosages, timeframes, etc.  I REALLY wanted to make sure that he knew if he pushed the fentanyl too rapidly I could get rigid chest, but I refrained.  I may be a crazy APN patient, but I know my boundaries!  After I got my answers I was able to relax a little. 

Or at least pretend to relax for a picture, because really, I was nervous!  Nervous a little bit about the anesthesia.  Nervous a whole lot about what would be happening once I was asleep.  Mostly just nervous about what would be retrieved, and all the steps after that. 

 

And the rest of the day is pretty much a blur. 

 

I was walked over to the retrieval room where I remember laying on the table and putting my legs up in the stirrups.  I remember the anesthesiologist saying the doctor would come in and say hi, but I probably wouldn't remember anything after that.  But I don't even remember the doctor coming in, and I certainly don't remember saying hi.  I guess I'm a lightweight when it comes to fentanyl, versed and propofol! 

 

The next thing I knew, I was back in the room where I started, with a bit more pain than I was expecting.  I felt as if a very large needle was jabbed through my hoo-ha and into my ovaries multiple times...and then realized that was precisely what had happened!

 

So I was given a spot more of fentanyl which put me back in sleepy land for a bit.  Once I woke up, I was given some animal crackers and ginger ale (which I'm pretty sure Jon ate and drank more of), and was sent on our way to rest for the remainder of the day.

 

And rest I did! I slept almost 9 hours that day, waking only to take some more tylenol (gotta love that it's the only approved pain med, fertility pain medicaion of champions I tell ya!).

 

Over the next couple of days, I was able to take it easy, be served by my loving and amazing husband, eat his amazing spicy chicken noodle soup several times, and recooperate.  Aside from cramping and discomfort, the only other sign of retrieval was a belly so bloated that I could have passed for a 6 month pregnant lady!  No joke...thank goodness there are no pictures of that!  But I wasn't pregnant yet....that would have to wait until the Transfer.

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

Starting at the Beginning

Where do I even begin??  Our pregnancy journey has been a long, hard 4+ years.  And yet, here we finally are.  Pregnant, and more joyful than we can both remember being in a long time!

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  I should start at the beginning.

Jon and I met on what I consider a blind date.  He considers our date to be the third time we met actually!  Potatoes, potaatoes : ).  Either way, some super great, super intuitive friends set us up, and after 2 years of dating, and 9 months of being engaged, we were married.  I was 22, he was 24. 

We were young. We were madly in love. And we had grand plans for our life.

We wanted to travel. And so we did...a lot!


Honeymoon in St. Lucia, 2005

Caribbean Cruise, 2007

Gatlinburg, TN 2007

Cambodia, 2008

Riviera Maya, Mexico 2008

Costa Rica, 2009

Cancun, Mexico, 2010

Napa, California, 2010

Cozumel, Mexico, 2011

Skiing in Colorado, 2012

Hawaii, 2012

Prague, 2013

Vernazza, Italy, 2013

Clearly, we LOVE traveling.  But after that, our next goal was to have kids. We initially said we would start trying after being married for about 5 years.  But about 4 years into it, we were ready.  We had thoroughly enjoyed every minute of being married. We loved spending time together. We certainly loved traveling.  We laughed a ton.  And we were ready to share all of that with some Little Lermas.

Even though I had started graduate school, we still went ahead with "trying".  Little did we know, pregnancy would not come easy for us.

At first, our difficulty in getting pregnant was chalked up to stress...and a lot of it.  I was working full time in the PICU while going to grad school.  Jon was out of a job.  On top of that, Jon's mom had cancer and was in the hospital after a stem cell transplant, when Jon's dad suddenly died from cancer. 

Yeah, so stress was in abundance. 

But then, once things started to settle down, pregnancy just wasn't happening.  That is isn't wasn't happening, until a few days before our 4th anniversary (June 2009).  I started having weird symptoms, thought I was pregnant, took several pregnancy tests several days in a row, but they were all negative!

But the morning of our actual anniversary, I woke up, was convinced I was pregnant, took another test, and YUP, it was positive! I made the most creative anniversary card for Jon and video taped the big reveal. It was one of the most exciting, fun days we've had. I still cherish that video.


6 weeks pregnant, day of grad school graduation!

Then 2 weeks later, on the day of my graduate school graduation, I started having a miscarriage.  It was supposed to be a day for celebration, getting my graduate degree!  And it was the night before we had a big trip planned to Cozumel, Mexico with my family, where instead of telling them the big, exciting news, we had to share with them our enormous disappointment. 

Fast forward 1 other miscarriage and one chemical pregnancy later, and we landed in a fertility specialist office. Fast forward many, many tests, biopsies, ultrasounds, poking and prodding, and we found out I have a clotting disorder (MTHFR compound genetic mutation, prothrombin compound genetic mutation, and a third component that 2 hematologists have yet to find a name of!). Add that to some severe hormone deficiencies, and you have a recipe for infertility wonderland.

Do another fast forward through 9 months of clomid (where I became a beast...no really, a BEAST!), a failed IVF stimulation cycle, and we are now officially caught up. 

To IVF cycle #2 in October, 2013. 

So that's the beginning. Because, really, where else should the story start!?  And without the background information, we certainly could not have gotten to where we are today. 

Despite things not going the way that we wanted them to, despite many, many of our plans falling through, despite the scripture that says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" playing in the background like our theme song for years, we have come out on the other side.  We have persevered, we have stayed faithful and hopeful and confident, and we have done everything we could physically, mentally, emotionally and spiriutally.

And so I start this blog, as a way to document one of the most magical, special, joyful times in our lives.  Aside from our wedding day, I cannot think of something I have wanted more.  And I look forward to looking back at this pregnancy journey, reading of the things I was thinking and feeling, seeing the belly grow, and just relishing in how far we've come!  Here is the blog on welcoming our Little Lermas!